The 6 ways sobriety changed my life
When I decided to quit drinking over 3 years ago, it didn’t feel like a monumental decision. It was a time out. It was a ‘back to the drawing board’ moment. A ‘I need 30 days off from this rollercoaster lifestyle I am living’. A rollercoaster of running a business by day, before entertaining clients at night.
That 30 days turned into 3 years. Today, sobriety is without a doubt my biggest achievement, and greatest challenge.
Here are the top 6 things I have learnt about how exploring sobriety allowed me to meet the real me - and a version of me that I really like:
Giving up alcohol taught me that I didn’t need the alcohol after all.
For many, alcohol is a substitute for true confidence and self-esteem but for me, giving it up showed me that I didn’t have a problem with either of those things - I could still go out and party just like I did before - I just needed to hit bed a little earlier than most. If you need alcohol to relax, or to have the confidence to go to an event, it’s actually a great sign that you have some great inner work to do around owning exactly who you are - and loving that person too. You should be able to walk into any room and know that you will find a place within the room. Inner work and healing will allow you to learn to regulate your nervous system in other ways (relaxation techniques, deep breathing, human support) rather than numbing with a substance. Alcohol is used by so many to numb - through heartbreak, through loss and grief, and so much more. These emotions, however, are to be experienced. Processed properly, so they don’t get trapped into our physical bodies as trauma. Sobriety taught me that life is meant to be felt, not avoided.
Giving up alcohol will allow you to own your true and ultimate attractiveness.
For many, they think that alcohol makes them sexier or more attractive. In fact, now that I'm sober, I look back and cringe at things I did, said, or sent that I thought, in that drunken stupor, would be cute, funny or sexy. Hell, no. *embarrassing*. Today I realise that there is nothing sexier than a woman who has got her sh*t together. The girl who is well dressed. There is nothing sexier for me, and my loved ones, to know that no matter where I go, and whoever I go out with, I will be going home safely, not losing the contents of my handbag all over the street or losing my belongings.
As you start on this journey to understanding the real you, you will also start to experience what true connection to others feels like.
Giving up alcohol taught me how to explore and expect real connection, rather than love-drunk passion. Today, so many of us date behind the protective wall of cocktails and drinks. Fast forward 2 hours, and we’re making out with someone we just met but know nothing about. Sobriety has increased my perception and judgment around the people I date. It has allowed me to get to know people better. To ask smart questions. To assess if I actually like them or think there is any compatibility there at all. When you’re sober - conversation is critical. It has allowed me to develop deeper emotional connection with people, rather than getting lost in the party scene with them and falling in love with them, just for the night.
In a similar vein, alcohol has led me to having more stable relationships.
There are no drunken arguments, communications or misunderstandings - and sure - these definitely might still happen in other areas of the relationship, but drunk arguments are a thing of the past. Over a decade ago, I would often be unfaithful to my boyfriends because my undeveloped brain mixed with intense alcohol consumption meant I made some really bad decisions. Today, sobriety and a much deeper understanding of myself (and any partner that I am with), ensures that this situation will always be avoided.
Cutting out the cocktails also enabled me to streamline my friendship group - working out who were the good time gals and who were those who were going to be there for me in times of need, crisis or stress.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing better than a good, wild night out with people you have just met, or even your best friends, but there is something truly beautiful about those friendships that are still there the next day and that love you and accept you for who you are and the decisions you make to better yourself.
And finally, for me, meeting the real me meant developing confidence in my boundary setting.
As someone notorious for getting herself stuck in situations with people or men she didn’t want to be in when drunk, sobriety has brought me clarity around what I am and what I am not comfortable with. I can guarantee you that if I am sober and I am in a situation that does not feel good, right, safe or sexy, that I will vocalise that and remove myself. The alcohol free life allowed me to connect with my authentic self and taught me to feel safe in communicating this to anyone I was with. There is nothing better than true connection.
For me, the party isn’t over. The party is just different. I still party - it’s just a different kind of beautiful.
Maybe you could try 30 days and see how it goes for you too.
With love,
Louise x
