Where is the line between call out and bullying?
We repeatedly tell everyone that ‘mental health matters’, yet, as a society today, I believe that it just takes one moment reading through Instagram comments to see that we have crossed the fine line from accountability, right through cancel culture and straight into mob mentality and, for a smaller portion of society, repeated psychological cyber bullying.
Cyber-bullying
The definition of cyber-bullying involves ‘sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature’ and this cyber-bullying is everywhere - but often goes unnoticed, It’s not just the celebrity in question who gets to be on the receiving end of intimidation and harassment, but the comments section of Instagram in itself has become a turf war that has gone far beyond cancel culture. It can be aggressive, intimidating and sometimes outright scary for anyone who doesn’t agree with the general consensus in the comments section.
The ramifications of this cyber-bullying can often go overlooked (we’re not on the inside of everyone’s Instagram Inbox after all) and remains invisible until the ramifications become so severe they can’t be ignored. The heartbreaking situation of Caroline Flack was neither isolated nor alienated and you only have to do a quick google to see how many celebrities, influencers and public figures alike have received death threats to see that cancel culture has arguably gone too far.
Yes, accountability is critical - and self-reflection and self-awareness is, and should be, championed, encouraged and heralded as an important part of life and in anyone’s emotional toolkit. However, it is clear that across the board, many of us are not holding room for safe discussion, growth, change, or forgiveness and instead, focusing on retaliation, on punishment and people ‘getting what they deserve’ for speaking out of line.
Understanding your triggers
The truth however? Celebrities, public figures and even those closest to us in our day to day life are not going anywhere - and they certainly aren’t always going to agree with us. And whilst some of us already can, all of us need to learn to be able to hold capacity for conflicting views, values and lived experiences rather than allowing them to become deeply triggering to our psychological and emotional state.
Being triggered means that we have an ‘intense emotional or physical reaction that causes extreme overwhelm and distress’ and a lot of social media feedback today comes from this hot, angry place of being triggered - rather than from a considered, comprehensive and well thought out processed standpoint. Getting triggered can be felt in your physical body and mental body (and can often lead you to do things you would never do when calm and regulated) and we often don’t talk about the far reaching and very damaging things we do, say, think, feel or act upon when triggered.
Being aware of our reactions when we are triggered, or when we feel that we may be entering into triggering territory, is a first step on the journey to regulating our nervous system when we come into contact with an experience, person or moment we do not like. The second stage is looking inwards and asking ourselves why a statement or comment might have generated such a violent emotional reaction within us. This curious state can actually help us to understand ourselves better and help us avoid veering into bullying territory that we thinly veil as ‘cancel culture’ or ‘holding someone accountable’.
The protective primitive brain
Understanding that, when we feel an incredibly strong emotion, it is our protective primitive brain kicking into action, acting out of need for ‘survival’ and ‘I must win this argument at all costs’ can help us start to understand why we feel so enraged, or angry towards people we don’t know. I think we can all agree that a difference in opinion or a misguided statement is never worthy of a death threat or any form of cyber-bullying - and that many of us could benefit from more gently assessing what we feel, why we feel it and how we deliver feedback - particularly when we don’t agree with someone.
Being aware of our triggers and our emotional reactions can help us to move into a space of compassionate, open-minded and inquisitive two-way discussion with those around us, rather than allowing our emotions and reactions lead us into the territory of cancel culture, vitriol and, for some, legitimate cyber bullying.
We need to be connecting, not death-threating. And today? I think we have gone too far.
Pick your battles, but do it kindly.
