Why “Fake It Till You Make It” Doesn’t Work for True Confidence
One quick scroll of TikTok and you’ll be hit with the classic cliche advice of “Just walk into every room like you own it! If you believe it, they'll believe it too! The only opinion that matters is your own”. This classic advice to “fake it till you make it” has likely made its way into all of our lives at some point. While it might seem like a quick fix, this approach rarely builds the lasting confidence we’re seeking. Why? Because “fake it till you make it” fails to address the root fears and insecurities we carry that lie rooted and wounded deep with our subconscious mind.
Today I’m going to take you through a more clear understanding of why “fake it till you make it” often falls short—and what really builds unshakable confidence (hint: it involves your nervous system, subconscious mind and somatic healing).
1. Faking Confidence Doesn’t Rewire the Nervous System
Pretending to be confident doesn’t change our body’s deeply ingrained responses to situations that trigger fear, like being seen, judged, or criticized. Confidence isn’t just a mindset; it’s a state of calm rooted in the nervous system. When our nervous system perceives visibility as a threat, any surface-level confidence is fragile, prone to collapse at the first sign of discomfort.
2. Acting Doesn’t Address the Root of Insecurity
“Fake it till you make it” sidesteps the real work of facing and healing the wounds, beliefs, and fears that fuel insecurity. These fears remain buried, only to resurface at inopportune times, keeping us from fully embracing confidence. Real growth comes from understanding and transforming these roots, which can’t happen while we’re merely acting.
3. Faking It Bypasses Self-Acceptance
True confidence comes from genuinely accepting who we are, with all our strengths and imperfections. When we’re “faking it,” we’re reinforcing the belief that we’re not enough as we are, adding another layer to the mask we wear. This mask creates distance from our authentic selves and can increase the feeling of inadequacy.
4. Pretending Just Adds Layers to the Mask
When we’re afraid of rejection, judgment, or being “not enough,” pretending to be someone else adds another layer to that inner mask. This mask becomes a barrier, holding us back from true self-expression and making us feel even less safe being ourselves. Instead of dismantling these fears, “faking it” can strengthen them, making authentic confidence even harder to access.
5. Acting Confident Doesn’t Address Nervous System Dysregulation
If our nervous system feels unsafe in situations of visibility or criticism, we can’t simply override this response through pretense. Nervous system patterns require more than surface-level fixes. Until we do the work to feel genuinely safe, confidence won’t feel accessible or stable.
6. “Faking It” Reinforces Self-Doubt
Pretending to be confident, deep down, we know it’s not real. This can actually reinforce doubt and imposter syndrome. Real confidence requires self-trust, which is built by knowing we’re enough without pretense. When we bypass this process, our confidence remains shaky, resting on the hope that we won’t be “found out.”
7. Pretending Fails to Build Resilience
Confidence doesn’t mean never feeling afraid or uncomfortable; it’s about knowing that we can handle discomfort and challenges with resilience. Authentic confidence comes from working through these feelings—not pretending they don’t exist. “Faking it” avoids the discomfort that ultimately helps us grow stronger.
8. It Creates a Cycle of Avoidance
When we fake confidence, we’re often avoiding the deep work of healing and self-discovery. Over time, this can lead to a cycle where we keep acting the part without ever fully addressing the fears and insecurities beneath. Real confidence comes from breaking this cycle and facing our fears directly, with curiosity and compassion.
9. “Fake It” Lacks a Sustainable Foundation
True confidence is built on a foundation of self-belief, self-trust, and nervous system regulation. Acting is a temporary fix; it doesn’t offer a lasting sense of security or calm. Without a solid base, the slightest criticism or failure can shake us, leaving us feeling vulnerable and exposed.
10. Acting Confident Isn’t the Same as Feeling Confident
True confidence is a felt experience—a sense of calm self-assurance that we carry within us. Acting confident doesn’t necessarily lead to feeling confident, and the gap between the two can feel exhausting. When we’re “faking it,” we’re constantly managing an internal battle, reinforcing the idea that confidence is something we must work hard to project.
What Actually Builds Real Confidence?
If “fake it till you make it” doesn’t work, what does? Real confidence comes from healing and regulating our nervous system, facing our fears, and building self-trust. Here are a few essential steps to get there:
Self-Acceptance: Embrace yourself fully, without judgment. Confidence grows from knowing that you are enough, just as you are.
Healing Old Wounds: Identify and work through the beliefs and experiences that fuel your insecurities. Therapy, journaling, and self-reflection are powerful tools for this.
Nervous System Regulation: Use techniques like breathwork, meditation, and somatic practices to help your body feel safe and calm.
Resilience-Building: Practice facing challenges and discomfort with a growth mindset. Confidence grows each time you show yourself that you can handle it.
Consistent Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself on this journey. Confidence is built over time, and self-compassion is essential to nurturing it.
Real confidence is a journey, not a performance. When we do the work to feel safe, self-assured, and grounded, confidence becomes a natural extension of who we are—not something we have to pretend to be. So let’s let go of “faking it” and start building a sense of self that truly lasts.
Ready to Transform Your Confidence?
If you’re ready to take these practices further and start rewiring your subconscious mind for real confidence, join my free Confidence Queen 7-Day Confidence Challenge. This 7-day journey combines psychology, biology, and energetics and includes a live 90-minute workshop, as well as a 7-day email drip with 7 somatic practices. Expect EFT tapping, breathwork, and visualizations designed to break free from limiting beliefs and step into your most confident self.
The challenge is completely free, and you'll get daily practices delivered right to your inbox. Don’t miss this chance to start your transformation!
Your confident, empowered self is just 7 days away!
Love,
Louise
