A therapist explains that it’s actually chemicals driving that bad boy you like
EXPLAINED: Attraction to bad boys
We asked our Head Psychologist, Dr Tari Mack, why it is that we find ourselves attracted to the bad boy time and time again.
Here is what she said.
“The reason that we are attracted to bad boys, whether it's because of their reckless, exciting, dangerous behaviour, or it's because of their unavailability, is because we become addicted to an intermittent reinforcement schedule.”
What is intermittent reinforcement?
“Think about a rat in a cage, in a scientific experiment - intermittent reinforcement means the rat pushes the lever and no food pellet comes out, they push the lever again and no food pellet appears. After pushing the lever 12 times, a food pellet finally comes out, so…they keep doing it.
The rat knows at some point they're going to get more food, but they don't know when and it’s the anticipation of it which keeps them pressing. And so, part of the addiction / attraction to bad boys is chemical, part of it is emotional, part of it is psychological.”
The role of dopamine
“Dopamine is that feel-good chemical and it's released when we're doing something that feels pleasurable and feels good. It’s also the most responsive to an intermittent reinforcement schedule.
With a bad boy who is inconsistent, disappears, or can't commit, your brain actually gets conditioned to be addicted to that dopamine rush - when they're around, we have them and it's so exciting, it's so pleasurable. When they're gone, we're basically waiting until the next hit.
When we're with a nice guy who is consistent and stable, we don't have that rush of dopamine and this can leave us feeling bored.”
The OPENHOUSE Podcast with Louise Rumball
In Episode 17 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, we dive into all things ‘bad boys’ and explore the psychological, emotional, physiological, and chemical reasons that underlie our attraction to ‘bad boys’ [or girls] and how it can actually be an addiction that we’re not aware of.
LOUISE RUMBALL & DR TARI MACK go deeper into:
What is intermittent reinforcement?;
The cocktail of chemicals at play;
How to break this cycle & level up to reach a new pool of potential partners; and
The angry man - and why sometimes we’re attracted to this.
Louise also shares her own personal dating stories, particularly:
Her experience of dating bad boys - including someone that later got sentenced to five years in prison; and
Why she is now not as interested by bad boys.
You can find the episode on SPOTIFY HERE or APPLE PODCASTS here.
Let us know how you enjoyed the episode and be sure to share this on social media, as well as giving us a rating and review on Apple or Spotify.
