Why do they keep cheating on me? The psychology of serial cheats and repeat cheating
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of repeated cheating in a relationship? This pattern of behavior can be devastating, both for the person who is being cheated on and for the cheater themselves and if this is where you are right now, OPENHOUSE & our leading therapists are here to help you - particularly Dr. Tari Mack, clinical psychologist with 25 years of experience.
While some people may make a one-time mistake and feel horrendously guilty, ashamed, remorseful and so sorry, others may find themselves repeating the same behavior over and over again and so this might not be the first time that you have ever experienced this cycle.
In this blog post, we'll explore the cycle of repeated cheating, including the common stages that people go through and what you can do to break the cycle. For more information on this cycle, and whether you should leave the person who has cheated on you, come back soon for The Ultimate Guide on ‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’ with Dr. Tari. We understand that this is a difficult and complex decision that requires careful consideration and guidance. That's why we're excited to announce the upcoming release of "The Ultimate Guide on 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go'" by renowned psychologist Dr. Tari. This e-book is packed with research-backed strategies and tools to help you navigate this challenging decision with confidence and clarity. Drawing on her years of experience working with couples and individuals, Dr. Tari provides valuable insights into the complex emotions and thought patterns that arise after infidelity.
One Time Cheating vs. Serial and Repeat Cheating
One-time cheating involves a single instance of infidelity, where a partner engages in a sexual or emotional relationship with someone outside the relationship. This can be a one-time mistake, and the cheater may feel remorseful and take steps to repair the damage done to the relationship.
Repeated cheating, on the other hand, involves a pattern of behavior where a partner engages in infidelity more than once. This can indicate deeper underlying issues such as a lack of commitment or unresolved relationship problems. Repeated cheating can be particularly damaging to the betrayed partner's emotional well-being and can erode trust and intimacy in the relationship. Both can be damaging, but with repeated cheating, it can be a cycle that you really need to be aware of so you can truly understand the implications of staying with that person if you decide to.
Why do people repeatedly cheat?
The cycle of repeated cheating can vary depending on the individual and root cause drivers, but it typically involves a pattern of behavior that is repetitive, and is particularly seen in situations and cases involving those with personality disorders (like narcissism) or those suffering from sexual addiction. People with certain personality disorders may have a higher risk of engaging in infidelity, as do those with sex addiction.
Those who engage in the cycle of repeated cheating will often find themselves in relationships that repeat the following stages:
Pre-affair behavior: This stage involves the individual starting to consider looking elsewhere as a result of feeling unsatisfied or unfulfilled in their current relationship or as a result of a personality disorder or sexual addiction.
Affair behavior: In this stage, the individual begins a romantic, emotional, cyber or sexual relationship with someone outside their current relationship, often experiencing feelings of excitement, passion, and newness.
Discovery: The discovery stage occurs when the individual's partner finds out about the affair, which can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and fear of losing the relationship. Alternatively, those with personality disorders or sexual addiction may try to rationalize behavior that others would consider wrong or hurtful.
Reconciliation: In this stage, the individual may apologize and promise to change their behavior, often seeking forgiveness and attempting to rebuild trust in the relationship. At this point, the wronged party has a decision of how to move forward and maybe that is where you are at right now.
Post-affair behavior + cycle begins again: This stage involves the individual attempting to maintain the relationship and avoid further cheating, but if their underlying issues and reasons for cheating are not addressed, they may eventually return to pre-affair behavior and the cycle may repeat.
Breaking the cycle of repeated cheating requires a willingness to confront and address the underlying issues that led to the behavior in the first place, as well as a commitment to making necessary changes and rebuilding trust in the relationship.
In many cases, the cheater may not even recognize that they are engaging in harmful behavior or may not feel any guilt or remorse for their actions. This can make it extremely challenging for the betrayed partner to work through the issues and rebuild trust in the relationship. For some people who fit into this category, true transformation and healing work will just never happen and they will never be able to be the partner you want them to be.
It is important to recognize that the decision to stay in or leave a relationship after infidelity is a deeply personal one and there is no right or wrong answer. This is why we have created our ‘Should I Stay or Should I Go’ guide. So if you are you struggling with the aftermath of infidelity in your relationship, or you find yourself asking the age-old question, "What next?" Dr. Tari is here to help. This e-book is packed with research-backed strategies and tools to help you navigate this challenging decision with confidence and clarity. Drawing on her years of experience working with couples and individuals, Dr. Tari provides valuable insights into the complex emotions and thought patterns that arise after infidelity. Whether you're struggling with feelings of betrayal, confusion, or uncertainty, this e-book offers practical advice on how to move forward in a healthy and constructive way. Stay tuned for the release of "The Ultimate Guide on 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go'" with Dr. Tari and take the first step towards healing and finding the best path forward for yourself and your relationship.
