How to tell people you don’t drink or are exploring sobriety
Hey guys, I’m Louise, the founder of OPENHOUSE and the OPENHOUSE Podcast.
This is the ‘sobriety edit’ and I’m going to answer all of the questions I get hit with constantly about my sober journey.
This is usually how the conversation goes - and includes some sound bytes that I have developed over the years that I find work best at diffusing or exploring the sobriety discussion with people that maybe you don’t know so well.
First up - how to answer ‘why don’t you drink?
There is a big misconception within life that you have to have a ‘good reason’ as to why you don’t drink. ‘OH, I drunk so much last weekend and I’m so hungover’ or ‘Oh, I’m on antibiotics’ or ‘Oh, I have to get up at 6am tomorrow’.
The truth is - this is one of the first questions you need to get to grips with being comfortable with answering - because the second that you make excuses, you are approaching the whole situation with shame - rather than it being a situation that you are fully embracing with confidence and love like it deserves.
When I’m on a night out, if someone asks me if I want a drink - I go straight in
Oh, I don’t drink, thank you so much - I’d love a diet coke though!
That then inevitably brings them to their next question:
Wow, you don’t like, drink at all?
To which I answer:
Yeah, totally sober actually. 4 years now, I can’t believe it.
At this point, this is where people will start to get confused. They might not be able to understand why you don’t drink,. They might assume that you have a problem - and want to know why, or they might just be generally curious - maybe they have considered the same thing
Then they normally ask:
Oh wow, that’s wild. Did something happen?
And this here is when you get to decide how you approach the situation.
I usually say one of the following:
Oh, I guess so, yeah. I didn’t have a great relationship with alcohol. I did a lot of partying in my 20s and it was quite messy. I gave up alcohol for 30 days and 3.5 years later here we are
At this point, people generally want to ask if you don’t go out at all? And it goes something like this:
Wow, that’s crazy - did you like, have a problem?
At which point I say:
Well, if you mean drinking out of a brown paper bag from under the desk in my office on a Monday morning. No, I didn’t. I was never addicted to alcohol - but if you mean, have a problem like not the best or most healthy relationship with it, then sure, I had a problem.
At this point, if they haven’t got super weirded out by asking you a tonne of questions - then they ask you this:
Wow, so do you like, never go out anymore? Do you think you’ll ever drink again?
And this is when I reassure people that life is no different without alcohol, its just better. I make sure that I reinforce that this is just MY experience though - and I’m in no way preaching to anyone else that it would be better for them too, or that they should either.
Oh, yeah, I still go out of course! I don’t need alcohol to have fun if I’m honest - I’ve got a ton of energy ‘ and the night out is exactly the same for me, I just bounce out of the night a little earlier than the rest of you when all the drunk people get, well… drunk
At this point, you can start to work out how that person’s relationship with alcohol fares. Some people will be super triggered by this and hit you with questions like -
that is so weird, I just honestly don’t understand why you would do that and how you could still have fun.
If people are negative, I then decide that the conversation doesn’t need to go any further (remember you don’t HAVE to entertain any conversation and you can set whatever boundaries you want to). For me, I am quite confident and so I might be a bit cheeky and say something like:
To be honest, it’s kinda funny that you think you need alcohol to have fun! For me, alcohol was fun, sure, but the repercussions from the alcohol were not fun at all.
And if someone is positive about it? It can often open up a conversation that perhaps they have been sober curious too! And it might go something like:
That’s amazing - I’ve always thought about doing something like that too. I gave up alcohol for 60 days last January for Dry January and I loved it, but I always slip back to it. That’s super inspiring, thanks for sharing
And at this point? I always remind people - that sobriety isn’t a sacrifice. Sobriety is the best thing I have ever done - and when you look at it in that way? It doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks. Maybe it might be the greatest thing for them too.
Louise is 3.5 years sober. You can listen to her podcast episode on Sobriety on Apple here and Spotify here. She discusses how and why her ‘dream life’ wasn’t actually so dreamy after a;; how a ‘night gone wrong’ led to me deciding to go sober for 30 days. That 30 days turned into nearly 4 years and sobriety and being sober curious was without a doubt the best decision she have ever made.
Interested in more content like this?
You can follow Louise Rumball on Instagram here and OPENHOUSE here.
You can also grab your free workshop with clinical psychologist Dr Helene-Laurent here where we discuss my sobriety journey and actionable tips and tricks to help you en route with yours.
