Twenty Signs of the Anxious Attachment Style
Attachment styles refer to a psychological framework that describes an individual's approach to forming and managing close relationships, especially in the context of romantic partnerships, friendships, and family relationships. Attachment styles are typically shaped during early childhood based on interactions with primary caregivers, such as parents or guardians. They influence how people perceive and navigate emotional intimacy, trust, dependency, and autonomy in their adult relationships. The vast majority of our romantic relationships (but also friendships and workplace relationships) can be defined and driven by our attachment style.
Discovering whether you have an anxious attachment style is a key to unlocking your emotional world. It's not just about labeling yourself; it's about gaining insights that can kickstart your journey toward personal growth and healing. This newfound self-awareness acts as the first step to unravel the complexities of your relationships, emotional reactions, and inner fears.
The anxious attachment style might have caused you a lot of stress. But once you identify this, you can embark on a journey to a calmer, more stable, and relaxed life, both within your relationships and beyond. You can start to understand why it formed, why it developed, and why it keeps showing up today.
So, suspect you have an anxious attachment style? Let's delve into some of the top signs that point to an insecure attachment style, all thanks to clinical psychologist Dr. Tari Mack.
20 Signs of the Anxious Attachment Style
Lack of safety: Individuals with an anxious attachment style often struggle to feel safe in their adult relationships due to a combination of past experiences and their internal emotional landscape. They remain hyper-alert, reliant on external validation and scared of others leaving, betraying or abandoning them.
Rapid mood shifts based on other person: the anxiously attached individuals' moods can shift rapidly based on the status of their relationship or partner and their actions, leading to emotional instability that can change very quickly.
Constant need for reassurance and validation: Anxiously attached individuals often seek reassurance and validation from their partners to alleviate their underlying fear of abandonment or a lack of safety. They require frequent affirmations of love and commitment or immediate text responses and calls.
Difficulty handling rejection or criticism: Rejection or criticism can be especially painful for anxiously attached individuals because we think that it may be more likely to lead to abandonment or rejection, triggering intense emotional reactions.
Dislike of silence: Anxiously attached individuals often seek reassurance from outside of them to soothe their fears and insecurities. Silence can be unsettling for them because it disrupts the flow of reassurance they crave, making them feel vulnerable and uncertain.
Sensitive to shifts in energy: Anxiously attached individuals tend to be hyper-aware of their surroundings and the emotional cues of others. They are often on high alert for signs of potential abandonment or rejection. This hyper-vigilance extends to monitoring shifts in energy, such as sudden changes in tone of voice, body language, or emotional expressions, as they may interpret these shifts as indicators of disinterest or potential conflict.
Becoming anxious or distressed when separated from your partner: Separation anxiety is common for anxious individuals, and they may become anxious or distressed when apart from their partner. Their partner going on a boy or girl’s night out can be horribly for someone with an unhealed anxious attachment style. A holiday? Even worse.
Difficulty trusting others' intentions and words: Whether or not you have had past experiences, the anxious attachment style leaves you with a feeling familiar to ‘lack of safety’. This may lead to a general mistrust of others' intentions, making it challenging to believe that someone truly cares about them or that their words are real.
Overthinking and analyzing relationship dynamics: Anxiously attached individuals tend to overthink and analyze every aspect of their relationships, often blowing minor issues out of proportion due to their fear of abandonment. Equally, they are often looking for reassurance.
Feeling anxious when your partner needs space: Anxiously attached individuals can become anxious when their partner seeks alone time or space, as they interpret it as a sign of distancing or potential rejection.
Worrying excessively about the future of your relationships: Constantly worrying about the future of a relationship is a common trait, as anxious individuals fear their partner might leave or find someone else. This can also apply to the dating stage where this can be exacerbated further.
Frequently seeking closeness and physical contact: Anxious individuals crave physical closeness and touch as a way to feel secure and loved. They may cling to their partner for comfort.
Struggling with emotional regulation: Anxiously individuals often struggle to regulate their emotions during conflicts, leading to emotional outbursts and heightened stress levels.
Overreacting to perceived threats in relationships: Anxiously attached individuals tend to overreact to perceived threats, such as their partner not responding promptly to a text message or showing interest in others.
Feeling clingy or dependent on your partner: Anxiously individuals may become overly dependent on their partner for emotional support, leading to a sense of clinginess that can strain the relationship.
Experiencing intense jealousy or possessiveness: Jealousy and possessiveness often stem from the fear of losing a partner. Anxious individuals may become jealous even in the absence of concrete reasons. Often we feel safer when they are closer to us, so we pull them close but, in turn, then push them away.
Constantly seeking your partner's attention and approval: Anxious individuals seek constant attention and approval from their partners to feel valued and secure in the relationship. This makes them feel safe.
A tendency to suppress your own emotions to avoid conflict: Anxiously attached individuals may suppress their own emotions and needs to avoid conflict or to maintain harmony in the relationship. This is not always the case, however. Everyone shows their attachment style differently.
Difficulty focusing on other aspects of your life when in love: Anxious individuals often find it challenging to focus on other aspects of life when in love, as their thoughts center on the relationship.
Feeling rejected or unloved when your partner is busy: Anxious individuals may interpret their partner's busy schedule as a sign of rejection or lack of love. Objectively, this is not the case.
Healing Your Anxious Attachment Style
If you suspect you have an anxious attachment style, you're not alone. In this blog post, we've compiled 20 signs that may indicate you have an anxious attachment style, shedding light on the complex dynamics of this attachment style.
From a lack of safety and sensitivity to shifts in energy to seeking constant reassurance and experiencing separation anxiety, these signs provide valuable insights into the anxious attachment style's impact on your relationships and emotional well-being. Recognizing these signs is the first step towards healing and creating healthier, more secure attachments in the future. So, if you resonate with many of these signs, it's time to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, with the potential for happier, more fulfilling relationships on the horizon.
Want to go deeper to healing your Anxious Attachment style with Dr. Tari Mack?
In our best-selling, 26-page, 20-stage, therapist-backed PDF, Dr. Tari Mack helps you understand your anxious attachment style and how you can break the cycle and live with more peace, calm, and harmony while also starting to enjoy dating.
You can now stop scrolling TikTok and trying to piece all of the advice together and instead go on a therapist-backed journey to understanding, breaking, healing, and rewriting your anxious attachment style and the neural wiring that comes with it.
The therapy journey covers:
Introduction: Meet your therapist, Dr. Tari Mack
What is the anxious attachment style: The connection to our childhood and early foundational years (as well as pre-birth experiences).
The biology of your anxious attachment style: & the sensitivity of your nervous system today.
How your attachment style formed (+ the connection to your limbic system): And how healing is a psychological and biological journey.
Core limiting beliefs related to the anxious attachment style.
How and why the cycle is damaging for you and those around you.
How the anxious attachment style feels / the cycle in practice.
Key acknowledgments that need to be made to move forward and to heal.
Inner child work: Learning to protect your inner child in dating / partner choice while healing.
Pattern identification: Recognizing patterns that exacerbate the anxious attachment style.
Making friends with fear: How to identify and heal the fear lying behind your cycles.
The concept of ‘positive intention’ and how scaffolding can help you move from stress to calm.
How to spot bad behavior that will exacerbate the cycle.
