where does real confidence come from?
I’m a holistic wellness coach, integrative health practitioner and therapy OBSESSOR so today I’m going to tell you about where real confidence comes from.
As a therapist, I’ve often been asked, "Where does real confidence come from?" Is it something you’re born with or something you develop over time? The truth is, real confidence is a multi-layered process, rooted in psychology, biology, and influenced by societal constructs. Let’s break it down into simple, easy-to-understand terms so you can start building confidence from the inside out.
1. Psychological Foundations: Your Inner Voice
At the core, confidence is tied to our beliefs about ourselves—beliefs often formed in childhood. If you were nurtured and supported early on, you likely developed a strong sense of self-worth. If you experienced criticism or neglect, you may have internalized beliefs like "I’m not good enough" or "I don’t deserve love."
These core beliefs are the foundation of self-esteem, shaping your inner dialogue and how you perceive yourself. The good news? These beliefs aren’t permanent. Thanks to neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, you can change even the deepest-rooted negative beliefs. By consistently practicing new thoughts and behaviors, you can reshape your brain and transform your confidence.
2. Family and Early Caregivers: The Foundations of Self-Worth
Ultimately, our earliest experiences with confidence begin with our family, caregivers, and immediate community in childhood. These people are the first to shape our sense of self. When caregivers mirror and attune to us, they reflect back the emotions we express and help us understand that we are seen, heard, and valued.
Through verbal and non-verbal cues, caregivers communicate whether we are worthy of love and attention. When they tell us we are special, affirm our strengths, or show up consistently with love and support, we internalize those messages as part of our identity. This builds the foundation for our self-worth and confidence. If this mirroring or attunement is missing or inconsistent, we may struggle with feeling worthy or confident as adults.
The ability to feel confident often comes from having those early affirmations—being told, "You’re good enough," or "You’re doing a great job," while receiving validation for our emotional needs. If you didn’t receive that, it can be challenging to feel worthy as an adult, but with self-reflection and practice, you can begin to heal and rebuild that inner foundation.
3. Biological Factors: The Brain-Body Connection
Confidence isn’t just a mental state; it’s deeply connected to your nervous system and how your body responds to stress. When your nervous system is regulated, your body signals safety to your brain, which allows you to feel confident. But when your body is stuck in fight or flight mode, feelings of fear, doubt, and insecurity dominate.
This is where somatic healing comes into play. Somatic practices like somatic shaking, deep breathing, and EFT tapping help release stored tension, emotions, and trauma from the body. Regulating your nervous system creates space for new, confident beliefs to take root. With consistent use of the right somatic practices, you can rewire your subconscious mind, essentially rewriting your internal experience—and even your past. The key lies in knowing which practices to use and doing them consistently.
4. Societal Constructs: Breaking Free from External Validation
We live in a society that often equates confidence with appearance, wealth, and status. From a young age, we’re bombarded with messages about what it means to be confident, often shaped by media and social platforms. These societal pressures create an unrealistic standard of confidence, one that’s based on external validation rather than inner self-worth.
True confidence, however, comes from within. It’s about defining confidence on your own terms, not what society dictates. When your confidence is rooted in your own self-belief and not tied to external approval, it’s much more resilient and enduring.
5. Building Real Confidence: How to Get There
Now that we’ve explored the psychological, biological, familial, and societal layers of confidence, how do we actually build it?
Rewire Your Beliefs: Thanks to neuroplasticity, your brain can change. Identify the limiting beliefs that are holding you back—like "I’m not enough" or "I don’t deserve success"—and replace them with empowering ones. Rewiring your subconscious mind takes time, but with consistent practice, your brain will start to shift.
Somatic Healing for Confidence: Somatic healing practices like EFT tapping, somatic shaking, and breathwork help release stored emotions and tension, making your body feel safe and grounded. When the body feels safe, it signals the brain to let go of fear and self-doubt, opening up new possibilities. These practices also directly impact the subconscious mind, where most confidence issues stem from deep-seated beliefs formed in childhood. By consistently engaging in somatic techniques, you can rewire limiting beliefs, allowing your mind and body to adopt new patterns of worthiness and self-assurance. This holistic process creates lasting, embodied confidence by transforming both mind and body.
Practice Consistently: Confidence doesn’t appear overnight. It requires regular engagement with practices like affirmations, somatic healing, and journaling. The more you practice, the more you’ll start to notice positive changes in your self-confidence and self-belief.
Final Thoughts
Real confidence isn’t about pretending you have it all together. It’s about reshaping your internal beliefs, regulating your nervous system, and freeing yourself from societal pressures. Confidence is a journey—a continuous process of self-discovery, self-compassion, and growth.
Remember, confidence isn’t the absence of fear or doubt—it’s about moving forward despite those feelings because you trust in your own worth and potential. By rewiring your brain and changing your internal experience, you can step into the most confident version of yourself.
Ready to Transform Your Confidence?
If you’re ready to take these practices further and start rewiring your subconscious mind for real confidence, join my free Confidence Queen 7-Day Confidence Challenge. This 7-day journey combines psychology, biology, and energetics and includes a live 90-minute workshop, as well as a 7-day email drip with 7 somatic practices. Expect EFT tapping, breathwork, and visualizations designed to break free from limiting beliefs and step into your most confident self.
The challenge is completely free, and you'll get daily practices delivered right to your inbox. Don’t miss this chance to start your transformation!
Your confident, empowered self is just 7 days away!
Love,
Louise
