A note from a Therapist - read this if someone left you heartbroken and you’re hoping they will come back
Healing from Heartbreak
We asked our Head Psychologist, Dr Tari Mack, what to do if someone left you heartbroken and you’re hoping they will come back.
Here is what she said.
“The number one criteria for the person that you are supposed to be with, is that they want to be with you too. That they stick around and that they show up for you. That they decide they want to work on the relationship with you. That they show up day in, day out, as your love changes, and weathers whatever is thrown at it next.
So, for anybody who has broken up with you or left you… - then that is a clear indication that this is not your person.
It’s as simple as that.
And I know a lot of people do not want to hear that, and it’s really hard to hear that and accept that, but anyone who doesn't want to be with you is not your person.
Let me repeat that, anyone that has left you is not your person.
For so many of us, we think that someone leaves and it’s time to start making excuses and trying to win them back.
We start to make excuses for why they left, why they didn’t stay, why they acted that way, why they are that way.
We try to justify their behaviour - thinking they may come back if we can just give them some more space, or time for them to process.
We say - ‘maybe they’re not ready to do this right now’, or ‘maybe if I hadn’t done that, then things would be different’. When we get into those kinds of situations it is really important that we don’t self blame it all on us and make excuses for them.
You need to really look at the reality of the situation, which is that, ultimately, no matter what baggage that person is holding, or you are holding, or what they have gone through - if someone has walked away from you, they do not want to work on this relationship.
It’s as simple and as painful as that.
People spend so much time trying to interpret assume analyze the psychology of other people and their significant others. ‘Why, oh why, did they go away? Why didn't they choose me? Why didn't they stick around? But when asking these questions - they're focusing on the wrong thing. What they need to be focusing on is the fact that they're gone.
It does not matter why this person left. Yes, later down the line this reason as to why they left *MAY* give us some ammunition to guide our self-work and to understand better what we need to work on to develop better and to show up better in future relationships, but at that moment that someone leaves, it is not our job to try to understand why somebody left us.
The fact is, that they left you and your person will not”
The OPENHOUSE Podcast with Louise Rumball
In Episode 15 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, we looked at Scott - discussing all things breakups as we shine a light on what we know Scott Disick might be feeling.
We dive into what to do when you feel like someone has got away, the different stages of a breakup and how to truly move through the relationships that we think we can never get over.
LOUISE RUMBALL & DR TARI MACK go deeper into:
Why heartbreak can be worse than grieving the loss of somebody who died;
Dr. Tari’s insight into why, if there’s been a breakup, that’s a clear indication that they are not your person;
The psychology behind connection and closure - and why you do NOT need it in the way you think you do; and
How to handle unhealthy coping mechanisms and why it’s important to stay in our power during a break up.
Scott Disick’s way of moving on and why he chooses young people that are at the same emotional maturity level as him;
The different stages of a break up; and
Why a relationship is never about the other person.
You can find the episode on SPOTIFY HERE or APPLE PODCASTS here.
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