6 signs its chemistry, not compatibility
If you're currently navigating the dating world and wondering whether your strong feelings for someone are rooted in chemistry or compatibility, you're not alone. It can be difficult to decipher between the two, especially when our emotions are involved. But here's the thing: just because something feels good in the moment, doesn't mean it's good for us in the long term.
In this blog post, we'll explore six major signs that may indicate you're experiencing chemistry, rather than compatibility, with someone. When it comes to relationships, our emotions can often cloud our judgment - especially when neurotransmitters, chemicals, and hormones are at play. We may find ourselves swept away by intense attraction or the excitement of a new romance, but that doesn't mean the relationship will be a good fit for us in the long run.
While compatibility is the ultimate goal in any relationship, it's important to recognize when chemistry is the driving force. In this post, we'll delve into six real-life examples of situations where chemistry may be leading the way - and how to spot them while dating. So, whether you're swiping through dating apps or just starting to see someone new, keep these signs in mind to help you navigate the chemistry-compatibility conundrum.
You Have Intense Butterflies with a Side of Anxiety
You feel intense butterflies, but not a sense of calmness around them. You may feel anxious and on edge instead of grounded and secure. When you experience intense chemistry with someone, you may feel a sense of excitement and anticipation when you are around them. However, this feeling of excitement and anticipation can sometimes manifest as anxiety and nervousness rather than a sense of calmness and security. This can happen because when you feel chemistry with someone, it often involves a rush of adrenaline and other hormones in your body. This can make you feel like you are on edge, constantly anticipating the next interaction with that person, and unable to relax around them. On the other hand, when you feel compatibility with someone, you may feel a sense of ease and comfort around them. You may feel like you can be yourself and not have to worry about impressing them or putting on a show. There's a sense of mutual respect and understanding that makes you feel at ease.
So, while intense chemistry can be thrilling, it's important to pay attention to how you feel around that person. If you are constantly on edge and unable to relax, it may be a sign that the chemistry is not translating into compatibility.
2 You Have Sexually Charged, Superficial Conversations
2. Your conversations tend to revolve around physical attraction, sex, and naughty messaging, rather than deeper topics such as values, beliefs, and life goals. When you experience chemistry with someone, you may find yourself constantly flirting and engaging in playful banter with them. These interactions can often be sexually charged and may involve suggestive messaging or playful teasing. However, if these interactions consistently revolve around physical attraction and sexual desires rather than deeper topics, such as values, beliefs, and life goals, it may be a sign that your chemistry is primarily based on physical attraction and lust rather than emotional connection and compatibility. While physical attraction is important in any relationship, it is only one aspect of a successful partnership. A deep emotional connection and shared values and goals are crucial for long-term compatibility and sustainability. If you find that your conversations with this person always seem to stay on the surface level and never delve into more meaningful topics, it could be a sign that you have chemistry but lack compatibility.
Interested in learning more about emotionally unavailable, why we might be emotionally unavailable ourselves and why we attract and chase emotionally unavailable partners?
Head to Episodes 33 and 44 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, linked on Apple Podcasts here and Spotify here.
3. You struggle to articulate why you like the person beyond physical attraction and intense chemistry and a ‘feeling you can’t describe’
When you are in the midst of intense chemistry with someone, it can be difficult to see the situation objectively. You might feel an overwhelming attraction to the person, but struggle to explain why beyond physical appearance and surface-level qualities. This can be a sign that the chemistry you are experiencing is not necessarily based on compatibility, but rather on other factors.
One potential explanation for this is a trauma bond. A trauma bond occurs when two people come together through shared experiences of trauma, such as abuse or neglect. This bond is often intense and can feel like love, but it is based on shared pain rather than true compatibility. In a trauma bond, the chemistry between the two people may be intense, but it is not a healthy basis for a relationship.
Another possible explanation for this type of chemistry is a passion-based bond. Passion can be a powerful force, and it can create intense chemistry between two people. However, passion alone is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. If your conversations are mostly focused on physical attraction and sex, and you struggle to articulate why you like the person beyond these factors, it could be a sign that your chemistry is based solely on passion rather than compatibility.
Finally, this type of chemistry can also be a sign of a toxic bond. In a toxic relationship, the chemistry between two people can be intense and all-consuming, but it is not based on mutual respect, trust, and support. In a toxic bond, the relationship may be characterized by power struggles, manipulation, and emotional or physical abuse. It can be dangerous to confuse toxic chemistry with healthy compatibility, as staying in a toxic relationship can have serious negative consequences for your mental and physical health.
In summary, while intense chemistry can be an exciting and powerful feeling, it is important to recognize that it does not always indicate compatibility. If you find yourself struggling to articulate why you like someone beyond physical attraction, it is important to take a step back and evaluate whether the relationship is based on healthy compatibility or other factors such as trauma bonding, passion, or toxicity.
4. The Situation Revolves Around Hooking Up
Your relationship is defined by physical intimacy, and you spend most of your time naked or in bed together, rather than engaging in shared activities and building an emotional connection.n some cases, a strong physical connection can mask underlying issues in the relationship that may prevent it from developing into something more substantial. When a relationship is defined solely by physical intimacy, it can create a situation where both partners become overly reliant on each other for sexual gratification, rather than building a deeper emotional bond. It can also be a sign that one or both partners are actually emotional unavailable and more likely to head into the ‘situationship’ territory.
Interested in learning more about how to avoid situationships arising? Head to Episode 71 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, linked on Apple Podcasts here and Spotify here.
5. Constantly Thinking Of Them Doesn’t Mean They Are The One For You
You find yourself constantly thinking about the person and wanting to be with them, but you struggle to identify what you have in common beyond physical attraction. Constantly thinking about someone may be a sign of attachment hunger rather than healthy love because healthy love involves a balance of attachment and autonomy. When we are in love, we naturally think about our partners, but it should not consume our thoughts or interfere with our daily lives.
Attachment hunger is a deep-seated desire for love and connection that is rooted in early attachment experiences. When we experience attachment hunger, we may become preoccupied with thoughts of our partner, and this preoccupation can lead to obsessive thoughts and behaviors. This type of attachment pattern can stem from a lack of emotional connection and validation in our early relationships, which can lead to a fear of abandonment and a desperate need for love and connection.
For more on attachment hunger, head to Episode 23 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, linked on Spotify here and Apple Podcast here.
6. You feel compelled to overlook or rationalize red flags and warning signs in the relationship because of the intense chemistry you feel.
Ignoring red flags early on in a relationship can be dangerous because it may lead to bigger problems down the line. Red flags are warning signs that suggest potential issues in a relationship, and ignoring them can lead to unhealthy and even abusive dynamics. Some red flags may seem small at first, but they often indicate deeper problems that could lead to major issues in the future.
For example, if your partner frequently criticizes you, is hot and cold with you, belittles you, or talks about other guys or girls, these may be red flags for emotional abuse. Ignoring these warning signs because the chemistry is so good may lead to a toxic relationship that leaves you feeling trapped, isolated, and unhappy further down the line when the chemistry starts to die down.
By ignoring red flags of values, goals and ambitions, you may also be setting yourself up for a relationship that is ultimately incompatible with your values, beliefs, and life goals. For instance, if you and your partner have very different long-term plans, ignoring these differences may lead to resentment and conflict later on. It's important to pay attention to red flags and have honest conversations with your partner about any concerns you have. This can help you both address issues early on and build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
For more on why we overlook read flags, head to Episodes 23 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, linked on Apple Podcasts here and Spotify here.
7. You have a hard time getting to know the person beyond their physical appearance and are more interested in their looks and body than their personality, character, or values.
When you find yourself REALLY drawn to someone's physical appearance and attributes than their personality, character, or values, it can be a sign that you're focused on surface-level aspects of the relationship. This can also indicate that you're not interested in really getting to know the person beyond their external appearance. However, it's important to note that this can also be a sign that the other person is emotionally unavailable - or that maybe you are too. Focusing only on the physical connection and ‘hooking up’ is often easier for emotionally unavailable people, or for those who are not interested in forming a deeper emotional connection. This can lead to an unbalanced and unhealthy relationship dynamic, where one person is investing more in the relationship emotionally than the other, or one person gets more invested.
For more on this, head to Episode 33 and 44 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, linked on Apple Podcasts here and Spotify here.
8. It’s All About Them Or “The Both Of You’ At The Expense Of You
When you feel intense chemistry with someone, it's easy to become so consumed with the desire to keep that spark alive that you may neglect your own needs and boundaries. Maybe you stop seeing your friends, maybe you stop going to the gym, maybe you stop your routine. You might find yourself doing things you don't want to do, compromising your values, or putting your own needs on the back burner just to keep the other person interested. Over time, this pattern of behavior can become a slippery slope, leading to an unhealthy power dynamic in the relationship and you stayed initially just because the chemistry felt so good. Remember - the more you prioritize the other person's needs over your own, the more they may come to expect that behavior from you, and the less likely you are to establish healthy boundaries.
In summary, chemistry can be a powerful and exhilarating feeling, but it's important to remember that it's not the same as compatibility. While chemistry can create an intense attraction and desire for another person, compatibility involves shared values, mutual respect, emotional connection, and the ability to build a healthy and sustainable relationship.
