5 Reasons You Haven't Healed Your Anxious Attachment Yet (And How to Fix It)

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Hey, ex-anxiously attached girly here 🙋‍♀️—healing is possible, I promise. I've been on this journey myself, and over 500,000 anxiously attached girls have streamed my therapy podcast—so you’re definitely not alone. Maybe you're already aware of your anxious attachment style. You might even know what it is (basically, that you hate it when people go silent on you, pull away, or don’t text you back—it sends you into a frenzy). But maybe, despite this awareness, you’re still stuck in the same old cycles and not seeing much progress.

Ready to dive into what might be holding you back from healing?

1. You’re Just Thinking About Your Anxious Attachment

Self-awareness is great—understanding what an anxious attachment style is and how it impacts you is a solid start. But thinking alone isn’t enough. 95% of our day-to-day lives are driven by the subconscious mind, which is wired into every cell of our being, throughout both our brain and body. That 5% of conscious awareness? It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. You’ve got to go deeper—into the subconscious mind and body to truly heal. More on this later in today’s blog.

2. You Haven’t Identified the Fears Behind the Triggers (this is the real place to go)

If you’re aware of your anxious attachment, you’ve probably noticed certain triggers—like someone not texting you back, promising to call and then not following through, or the fear that you’ve been “too much” and pushed them away. Once you’ve pinpointed your triggers, that’s a great start—but it’s not enough. The next step is to uncover the underlying fears behind them. Are you afraid of rejection? Abandonment? Isolation? Being shamed? Every time you feel a threat to these fears, your sympathetic nervous system kicks into overdrive, preparing your body for fight-or-flight. The key to healing is not just identifying the trigger but managing the fear that drives it.

3. You Don’t Have a Deeper Understanding of nervous system Regulation & Dysregulation

To heal your anxious attachment, you need to understand how these fears dysregulate your nervous system. When you're dysregulated, your body shifts out of its “happy, healthy, rest-and-digest” state and moves into fight-or-flight. Anxious attachment often keeps you stuck in dysregulation—constantly hyper-aware and fearful of potential rejection or abandonment. Learning to regulate your nervous system is crucial for healing. This involves using somatic techniques to bring yourself back to rest and digest mode. When you can regulate your nervous system, you stop reacting to triggers as if they’re life-or-death situations. Until you master this, you’ll likely remain at the mercy of your attachment style.

4. You Haven’t Tried Somatic Shaking to Release Unprocessed Stress (when they don’t text back)

One of the most overlooked parts of healing anxious attachment is addressing the body. Inspired by how animals shake off stress after a threat, somatic shaking helps release built-up tension and stress hormones that accumulate during emotional or stressful events. When you don’t release this stored energy, it stays trapped in your body, keeping your nervous system in a loop of overactivation. Somatic shaking can be an incredible tool to help you manage your anxious attachment style—allowing you to release the stress before it escalates into overwhelming feelings.

5. You Lack a Consistent Daily Practice of Nervous System Regulation (to build resilience to f**kboy behavior!)

Healing doesn’t happen overnight, and anxious attachment isn’t something you can “think” your way out of. It requires consistent, daily practice. The amygdala—the part of your brain responsible for emotional responses—won’t just calm down because you want it to. You have to teach your body that it’s safe, and that takes regular, intentional effort. Daily devotion to regulating your nervous system through breathwork, somatic shaking, or EFT tapping is essential for long-term healing. This process also builds safety and resilience within your body, reassuring it that you’ll be okay no matter what someone else does.

Over time, a daily practice will rewire your brain and body, helping you form new, healthier emotional patterns. Instead of reacting to every perceived threat, you’ll learn to stay calm and grounded. This is how you move from anxious to secure attachment.

The Bottom Line: Build Safety, Embodiment, and Resilience

Without working with your body, simply being aware of your anxious attachment style and trying to force yourself to think differently won’t yield the results you're after. Ready for real healing? It’s time to go deeper, embody safety, and start building resilience within your nervous system.

Daily Devotion, The Somatic Healing Portal

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For less than $2 a day, you’ll gain access to:

• Somatic Shaking

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• EFT Tapping

• Breathwork

• Soothing Moving (Slow Flow)

• Manifestation Meditations

• Visualizations / Gratitude Practices

• Somatic Experiencing

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