The Physical Symptoms of Heartbreak
There’s no getting away from it - breakups are painful. An unexpected relationship breakup can be one of the most painful things to happen to us, and there can be physical symptoms of heartbreak as well as emotional. If it’s happened to you, you’ll know how much it can hurt physically. Here’s why heartbreak hurts so badly, and some ways you can ease the pain of a break up.
Why Heartbreak Hurts Physically
There isn't much worse on the planet than going through a breakup. The second your partner drops the news on you that it’s over, your body recognises the rejection. It then goes into a stress response called fight or flight. Your adrenal glands start to instantly churn out stress hormones, such as cortisol and adrenaline.
Your blood pressure is going to instantly skyrocket and this rejection will actually stimulate blood flow to two parts of the brain that are involved in producing physical pain. Your body might feel like it's aching all over or that your heart literally feels like it's hot.
If you look at a brain under an MRI scanner, during a breakup, it logs the rejection of the breakup event in the same way that it would log an event of physical pain.
This helped me to really understand the severity of what the body was going through at this point, and that it really thinks it needs to protect you at the same time.
Another side effect of entering this fight or flight reaction is that your body will make your breathing shallow and rapid to increase your oxygen intake again, getting ready for you to face the apparent danger.
When it happened to me, I felt so anxious and like I couldn't breathe at all. My chest felt so tight and I honestly felt like I was on the cusp of an anxiety attack at all points.
How to Come Out of Fight or Flight Mode
You can reprogramme your body though to come out of this fight or flight mode. Try to calm yourself and your nervous system and bring yourself out of fight or flight where possible. One way is by using Bach Rescue Remedy, a blend of flowers shown to calm our nervous system in times of crisis.
Another option is to explore breath work. It's a powerful tool to take our body from fight or flight and into the more calm, rest and digest phase in the moments. When I could feel my anxiety levels rising or the onset of a panic attack, I would focus on making my exhale longer than my inhale, as well as using essential oils, like lavender, to try and calm me down to 30.
Why Do You Lose Your Appetite During a Break Up?
Your stressed out nervous system is also going to be taking all of the blood away from your digestive system because it's priming your body to face up to the impending danger, essentially getting ready for fight or flight. Right now your body does not need to be digesting your food - it’s far too busy. This means that you're going to lose your appetite and, in my experience, some really unpleasant stomach aches. From the second it happened, I felt physically sick and literally could not eat anything.
How to Heal Yourself After a Breakup
Nurture Your Body
Even if you feel so low that you just want to crawl into a hole, hide yourself away and forget about everything that's happening, now is when you need to show up for your body more than ever before. Your body is trying to protect you but you have to work with it.
Even though you don't want to eat, you need to focus on the fuel you're putting into your body, or you will get sick. Try to eat small nutritious meals, or even just handfuls of fruits or vegetables to keep you going. If you take meal supplements now is not the time to stop taking them. I kept up with my daily supplements, vitamin D, vitamin C, vitamin B12, selenium, and zinc every single day. Any kind of elevated levels of cortisol and stress hormone over an extended period of time is actually likely to suppress your immune system, making you more likely to get unwell than ever before. You need to nourish your body.
Let Yourself Cry
Crying for long periods of time actually releases oxytocin and endorphins, and essentially acts as a comfort blanket to the pain that you're going through.
The first few days are going to be horrendous, but you need to cry and feel it out. The tears are going to come and come, but know that as they come, they will in fact help to calm and soothe you. In some moments, you're going to feel like the pain is never ending, but know that scientifically those tears are helping you.
Understanding the science behind the physical symptoms of heartbreak can help you realise that this response is coming from a place of protection. This is your body’s hardwired way of responding to the perceived threat of rejection.
Break Up Advice from the Experts
My advice for coping with a break up is:
Give yourself time to process the emotions.
Use breathwork to calm yourself if you feel your anxiety is triggered.
Nurture your body with good food.
Cry if you need to.
Right now you may feel fearful and scared, deeply scared, both consciously and subconsciously scared that you have lost everything. You may feel scared that you won’t be able to survive. You will find happiness again.
You will get through this, even if it doesn’t seem like it whilst you’re reading this blog. Dealing with a break up is a process - give yourself time, and allow yourself to feel.
More Healing from Heartbreak resources:
The OPENHOUSE Podcast with Louise Rumball
In Episode 15 of the OPENHOUSE Podcast, we look at Scott Disick and discuss all things breakups, as we shine a light on what we know Scott Disick might be feeling.
We dive into what to do when you feel like someone has got away, the different stages of a breakup and how to truly move through the relationships that we think we can never get over.
LOUISE RUMBALL & DR TARI MACK go deeper into:
Why heartbreak can be worse than grieving the loss of somebody who died;
Dr. Tari’s insight into why, if there’s been a breakup, that’s a clear indication that they are not your person;
The psychology behind connection and closure - and why you do NOT need it in the way you think you do; and
How to handle unhealthy coping mechanisms and why it’s important to stay in our power during a break up.
Scott Disick’s way of moving on and why he chooses young people that are at the same emotional maturity level as him;
The different stages of a break up; and
Why a relationship is never about the other person.
You can find the episode on SPOTIFY HERE or APPLE PODCASTS here.
Let us know how you enjoyed the episode and be sure to share this on social media, as well as giving us a rating and review on Apple or Spotify.
